The Designated Drinker is a gastronome, bon vivant, and raconteur who prefers to remain anonymous in order to carry out his research undisturbed. You may recognize him by his majestic stature, his booming laugh, or his immaculately manicured hands. He has been called, in jest, a bit of a Beau Brummel by his confidants, and favors a Panama hat in season. His calling card, bearing the family crest, often turns up in his wake.
He attended Harrow, though he has been known to mix with Etonians, and received his B.D., Mus.B., D.M.D., and S.T.D. from Oxford. In addition, in the last decade, he is the recipient of a Litt.D. from SUNY New Palz. Rising to the rank of Air Commodore in the RAF during the Second World War, he commanded the last squadron of dirigible bombardiers and was awarded the Blue Ribbon by George VI for gallantry in the face of furious prestidigitation. Honorably discharged, in the course of his further adventuring amongst the mild places of the earth, he has been further decorated by many governments and civic organizations, receiving in due course the Bronze Cross of the Pharisees, the Cyan Cipher of the Sadducees, the Graven Quoit of the Knights Templar, and the Keys to Tulsa from the Greater Tulsa Area Jaycees.
As a student of life, the Designated Drinker has applied and reapplied himself to the major disciplines of the Twentieth Century. The Arts, Applied Engineering, Anthropology, Architecture, Euphemology, Cosmology, Phonology, Theosophy (its study, not its practice, the subject is quick to point out) have all been the focus of his keen mind. He has been privileged to undertake field expeditions with Levi-Strauss, the Leakeys, and Captain Spaulding. And, in due course, the comestibles and potation of the many nations of the globe have become yet another textbook for the Designated Drinker’s applied powers of concentration.
Books of learning are many, and the scientific secrets learned by great minds are well-recorded. However, the pleasurable arts are at times neglected, and it is to be hoped that here, through the impartation of select leaves of the Designated Drinker’s learning in the bibulous arts, that the declining art of mixology may be revivified, and the enjoyment of conviviality will abound.
When not seeking out the finest distillates of the globe, the Designated Drinker serves as Chairman Emeritus on the boards of several major industrial concerns. He keeps homes in Stoke-on-Trent and Chicago, believing the latter to represent one of the finest drinking cities worldwide. Rumors that the Designated Drinker is actually the writer Keir Graff are entirely unfounded.