I, the Designated Drinker, vow to promulgate the disappearing lore of drinking, and to promote the genteel art of imbibery. To decrease brand-name genuflection while increasing a general knowledge of the characteristics of different types of drinks. To battle “buffet style” drinks ordering. To never call anything but a gin or vodka martini a “martini.” To avoid drinks which obliterate the taste of the liquor that comprises them. To evaluate the quality of any drink free from awe at its price or reputation. To wrest from antiquity the finest cocktails the world has ever known, and to publish such suitable refinements as have been made in the modern age. In order to bring this information to you, I, the Designated Drinker, will leave no drink unsipped, no ice cube uncracked, no bar floor untrodden. My motto: I drink for you!