Biologists report that the walrus, while possessing a highly developed sense of humor, suffers from an insufficiently evolved palate.

DEWAR’S 18-YEAR-OLD FOUNDERS RESERVE, BLENDED

All right, guys, keep in mind that I’m new to this. I taste… fruit. Berries, maybe — or grapes. Oh, and it’s also sort of peppery, but then there’s this sweet and sour taste underneath. And — whoa — now my throat is burning. God, it really hurts. How’s this: a Dr-Pepper-and-Chinese-takeout smoothie, and also I’m a sword swallower who just swallowed a sword but screwed it up somehow.

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