Archive for February, 2006

Surely There’s a Word for It

Thursday, February 23rd, 2006

DRUNK, adj. tight, tipsy, bombed, bombed out, bombed out of one’s skull, skulled, booty, blown, blitzed, bobo, crocked, cockeyed, wearing beer goggles, Coke bottle-eyed (all women look beautiful), soused, stewed, stiff, stinko, stinking, Mickey Finished, plastered, DWI (driving while intoxicated), potatoed, flat-lined, hammered, tattered, pie-eyed, wasted, trashed, squashed, totaled, totaled out, fractured, looped, loopy, high, high as a kite, higher than a kite, blind, blotto, giffed, gone, gone under, under the influence, DUI (driving under the influence), boozed-up, juiced, juiced-up, stoned, howled, tanked, tanked-up, roaring, roaring drunk, D.O.A., dead drunk, rolling drunk, stinking drunk, funky drunk, sloppy drunk, blind drunk, skunk-drunk, drunk as a skunk, drunk as a skunk in a trunk, drunk as a lord, potted, fried, faded, smashed, crashed, swacked, polluted, plootered, plotzed, turned on, tied one on, zonked, zonked out, zapped, zigzag, zooed, zoobang, zorked, zulued, loaded, carrying a load, carrying a heavy load, three bricks short of a load, feeling no pain, embalmed, on a tear, on a toot, on a bat, on a bender, on a binge, on a jag, on instruments, on the sauce, on the juice, on the shikker, schikker, shikkered, schnoggered, schnockkered, snokkered, snokkered up, stonkered, snootful, lubricated, mellow, ossified, paralyzed, petrified, pickled, pissed, pissed as a newt, pissed up to the eyebrows, pissed to the ears, pissy-eyed, pissy drunk, potsed, prestoned, padded, pasted, pied, pipped-up, racked-up, riffed, vulcanized, wall-eyed, well-oiled, wet, whooshed, woofled, woofy, woozy, ripped, put to bed with a shovel, faced, shit-faced, S.F., tuned, illuminated, lit, lit-up, lit up like a Christmas tree, lit a bit, lit to the gunnels, merry, hipped, out, out cold, out like a light, out on the roof, boiled, parboiled, balmy, behind the cork, bent, bleary eyed, boozed, boozy, bottled, bunned, buzzed, buzzy, blixed, stewed to the gills, boiled to the gills, fried to the gills, soused to the gills, lit to the gills, burned to the ground, slammed, canned, canned-up, comfortable, piffed, piffled, pifflicated, petrificated, pigeon-eyed, pixilated, plonked, potty, preserved, primed, pruned, rocky, rosy, rumdum, rummy, saturated, screaming, screeching, scronched, set-up, sent, shellacked, shot, shredded, soupy, sloppy, sloshed, slugged, smoked, snozzled, soaked, spiffed, spifflicated, spaced out, passed out, passed out cold, wicked-faced, giddy, fuddled, muddled, muzzy, dizzy, addled, seeing double, overtaken, corked, corned, cut, cut one’s wolf loose, crocko, afflicted, jug-bitten, organized, elevated, heading into the wind, three sheets to the wind, three sheets in the wind and the other one flapping, six sheets to the wind, tiddly, full of Dutch courage, with a bun on, cooked, crashed and burned, daquifried, decayed, ding-swizzled, teed, twisted, torqued, bagged, bongoed, boxed, featured, frozen, glazed, have a brass eye, have a kick in the guts, have a skinful, have a rubber drink, have a skate on, have a slant on, have a flag out, have a bun on, have a can on, have a glow on, have an edge on; half-cocked, half-crocked, half-shot, half-slewed, half-sprung, half-stewed, half-seas-over, half-under, half-shaved, half-snapped (half-drunk); hooted, hang one on, happy, heeled, dipsy, off the wagon, fallen off the wagon, horseback, in the bag, leaping, nimtopsical, over the bay, owled, plowed, snoozamorooed, sozzled, zozzled, bulletproof, buzzed, hammered, lai-out, stretched, tired, walking on rocky socks, blasted, blewed, blued, blindo, boggled, guyed out, flannel-mouth, activated, adrip, afloat, aglow, alcoholized, alight, alkied, alkied up, antifreezed, ate the dog, back teeth afloat, baptized, bashed, basted, beerified, beery, bent out of shape, bent and broken, crashed, torn, tore-up, tore down, wiped out, aced, tubed, tweased, tweeked, tweaked, toasted, discomboobulated, discomfuddled, flying one wing low, foozlified, fossilized, gaffed, galvanized, giggled, greased, grogged, groggy, guttered, had one or two, holding up the wall, honked, honkers, hosed, impaired, inpixocated, in orbit, inked, inky-poo, intoxed, irrigated, jazzed up, jiggered, jugged up, juicy, Kentucky fried, southern fried, Mexican fried, muy tostado, knee-walking drunk, knockered, laced, likkerous, liquefied, listing to starboard, little ’round the corner, loud and proud, lushed, lushed up, lushington, spliced, main brace well spliced, mashed, mizzled, noddy-headed, oiled-up, pretty far gone, ripe, ripped and wrecked, ripped to the tits, schizzed out, seeing pink elephants, sewed, shot down, sizzled, slathered, slewed, smashed out of one’s mind, snooted, squiffed, squiffy, starched, steamed, stiffed, stiffo, suffering no pain, swacko, tanked out, tight as a goat, tight as a drum, top-heavy, toxicated, trammeled, varnished, whiffled, whoozy, gassed, gassed-up, glassy, glass-eyed, glassy-eyed, had a bun on, had a skinful and a half, had one too many, marinated, maxed out, in the gutter, in one’s cups, jagged, jazzed, jazzed-up, jolly, jugged, killed, limp, lathered, liquored, liquored-up, decks awash, ding-swizzled, feel good, fired up, floating, frazzled, fuzzled, fuzzy, gay, geared-up, ginned, ginned-up, stitched, stone blind, stunned, tangle-footed, teed-up, under the table, under the weather.”
The Wordsworth Thesaurus of Slang

The Fire Inside

Thursday, February 16th, 2006

Why do Americans insist on taking their beer so cold that it kills off half the flavours? Could it be that some of the American beers taste so bad…? — I. C. Double

Your name seems familiar to me. Perhaps you come from the Hampstead Doubles? Surely you’re not Makeit A. Double’s son? Well met, young fellow, well met.

Though I find your diplomatic ellipses – and the pretense of phrasing your opinions as questions – quite charming, let’s speak plainly. Despite great advances in the past twenty years, the majority of the beer sold in America is still so bad that it is rendered palatable only by excessive refrigeration. Only with numbed taste buds can one drink any quantity of “Bud,” “MGD,” or “Natural Ice Lite.”

But the American penchant for cold beverages is not limited to their depressing lagers. Remember that they also like their ice-water glacial, and their soft drinks Arctic, and that it was necessary for them to coin the term “brain freeze” to convey the chilling side-effect of drinking “Slurpees” and “Slush Puppies.” They are a people in every way extreme, and though I live among them and find them often charming (the way one still loves a puppy who wets the floor), I still struggle to explain this phenomenon. I can only hypothesize that, because Americans burn too bright, too hot, they struggle daily to put out the fire inside. And they do it with very cold drinks.

Bierce on Yielding

Wednesday, February 1st, 2006

“ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.”
— Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary