Gulping One’s Drinks
Do you have any advice for someone (me) who tends to drink their drinks too fast? I can’t help it — I’m a gulper. (Advice about how to SLOW DOWN, that is. I don’t want to deal with any underlying issues.) — Kirstin
An excellent question, young lady, and one that has plagued sober-minded drinks enthusiasts since the invention of the cork. When one finds oneself the beneficiary of well-blended cocktails and companionship both, it’s only human to overdo things a bit. Being perhaps more human than some, I share your affliction.
I have two strategies to suggest. First, you might try watering your drinks down a bit — not literally, of course. It’s a sin (and ought to be a punishable offense) to add more than a dewdrop to any good whisky. But the highball was invented for just this purpose. If you tend to drink three martinis during a single conversational detour, try instead a gin and tonic with plenty of the latter, served in a very tall chimney glass. A gin and tonic is no martini, needless to say, but a tall drink with a large proportion of nonflammable mixer is a surefire way to avoid getting unintentionally tipsy. (I’ll say more on the highball in a forthcoming essay.)
Or — and this should be your last resort — order your third- or fourth-favorite drink, rather than your first. I would never suggest you order a drink you don’t enjoy, but if you find yourself guzzling White Russians as if they were good old cow’s milk, you might find yourself less likely to overdo with a tart Bacardi Cocktail. Also, thick or heavily spiced drinks, such as the Bloody Mary (which is both), don’t lend themselves well to what the youth call “chugging.”
I hope I’ve been of assistance. If not, write me again and I shall put more resources on your case.